Tuesday, May 31
blah
So this weekend was totally unproductive as usual. I will tell about the irresponsible actions in a bit......
I want to be unguarded, I want to be able to share with people the things that mean the most, but there are very few who I do … because I trust them with my life and my soul and my heart and I know they would never hurt me. I think that at some point the part of me that allows myself to be free with someone just shut its doors to anyone new. Kind of like if you aren’t already in- then you might as well forget it, these doors are welded shut. I don’t want them to be though, that is the thing. I want someone to share thoughts with. Someone who can hold an intelligent conversation, who can see past my insecurities and my very important luggage. But my insecurity list is long and my luggage is heavy. And how could I logically ever expect that anyone would even consider it. I can’t, which brings me to where I am. The blonde, allegedly independent…. I feel so needy I don’t see how anyone could perceive me as independent. But nonetheless alone…
I want to be unguarded, I want to be able to share with people the things that mean the most, but there are very few who I do … because I trust them with my life and my soul and my heart and I know they would never hurt me. I think that at some point the part of me that allows myself to be free with someone just shut its doors to anyone new. Kind of like if you aren’t already in- then you might as well forget it, these doors are welded shut. I don’t want them to be though, that is the thing. I want someone to share thoughts with. Someone who can hold an intelligent conversation, who can see past my insecurities and my very important luggage. But my insecurity list is long and my luggage is heavy. And how could I logically ever expect that anyone would even consider it. I can’t, which brings me to where I am. The blonde, allegedly independent…. I feel so needy I don’t see how anyone could perceive me as independent. But nonetheless alone…
