Wednesday, May 18
It seems as though no matter what I do, or how I act, I am either to loud, to open, not open enough, intimidating ( that is my personal fav) I couldn't intimidate a cat out of my yard, let alone a person.........
But I have been doing some serious thinking, because try to divert as I might I still continue to go back to one person, and I will be damned if I am going to pine over someone who isn't pining back. So I am going to wait it out, I am making a declaration right here and right now, I will no longer, pine .... I have however been doing a good job of this with one exception. I think that I sabotage it all, for instance I do believe that on the outing that took place on Friday with The Cop, looking back I was so totally flirting with his friend and didn't even realize it. I cannot help it I have absolutely not one bit of interest in the friend but I still was flapping my lips with him all night. So I can totally see why he left and has not talked to me since. And quite frankly I do not care, I deleted his number. There is only one person that I want and they do not want me so I suppose that I will be a bitter old woman who lives in a shoe with a long island in one hand and a dildo in the other.... That is my destiny, I will also probably have Bevins growing out of the side of my ass, but what ever he can live there too.
This world is such a crazy place and I really hate to sound like a whiney ass baby, but I have so totally lost my purpose here, I am E & J 's mom, not very good at that, I have a job , not very good at that either, I ruin all of my personal relationships in one way or another, I refuse to allow people the opportunity to see my heart, I feel like my heart is not mendable, alright enough crazy insightfulness if that is what you want to call it....
song so stuck in my head is : HOWIE DAY Collide
But I have been doing some serious thinking, because try to divert as I might I still continue to go back to one person, and I will be damned if I am going to pine over someone who isn't pining back. So I am going to wait it out, I am making a declaration right here and right now, I will no longer, pine .... I have however been doing a good job of this with one exception. I think that I sabotage it all, for instance I do believe that on the outing that took place on Friday with The Cop, looking back I was so totally flirting with his friend and didn't even realize it. I cannot help it I have absolutely not one bit of interest in the friend but I still was flapping my lips with him all night. So I can totally see why he left and has not talked to me since. And quite frankly I do not care, I deleted his number. There is only one person that I want and they do not want me so I suppose that I will be a bitter old woman who lives in a shoe with a long island in one hand and a dildo in the other.... That is my destiny, I will also probably have Bevins growing out of the side of my ass, but what ever he can live there too.
This world is such a crazy place and I really hate to sound like a whiney ass baby, but I have so totally lost my purpose here, I am E & J 's mom, not very good at that, I have a job , not very good at that either, I ruin all of my personal relationships in one way or another, I refuse to allow people the opportunity to see my heart, I feel like my heart is not mendable, alright enough crazy insightfulness if that is what you want to call it....
song so stuck in my head is : HOWIE DAY Collide
