Love or Confusion?

So I have almost not had his number for 24 hours. I am crying less and less. Unless any particular song that doesn’t even have to be particular comes on the radio and then I am a blubbering idiot again.

This is a good thing though; I can no longer bug him at 2 in the morning when I am drunk and stupid. I do have a few regrets when it comes to him though. I wish that I had just once told him how much he meant to me. That I wanted to know his mind as well as I knew his body. But hind sight is 20/20 they do say…. Can I get out of that statement? I really can’t see anyway, without my eyes on my sight fails me about 2 inches from my face. I can’t go back now, even if I actually grew the balls to do it, I don’t have a way to reach him. And being that the only time I have the balls to do anything is while I am drunk, (I have a tendency to be highly emotional, this behavior is amplified by drinking) this is probably for the best. It will just take time for me to see it. I do have faith that one day I will see it. And maybe this battered heart of mine will mend.


So the fireman did not call yesterday, surprise surprise. Men are such scum. All this guys talk of can I call you? Can we go out sometime? I mean this guy really had me fooled he actually ask Peter if he could take me out sometime. I thought you have got to be kidding me and I thought for sure he would have already called. But he hasn’t and it just goes to show that I need to be alone, totally and completely, where I cannot mask my sadness or divert from the truth. I will face this pain head on, work through it until it goes away. Yeah-right! Goes away, I never found someone to be so perfect. How do you recover from perfect?