Love or Confusion?

Well he got it. I am glad that I can have closure. My chest hurts, the kind of hurt that you would feel if there was an elephant standing on it. And every time the I breathe the flood gates open. And I am just left sitting here wondering what could have possibly possessed me to put myself out there like that, and allow myself to be hurt. I could say that I was better off not knowing, but I would never look at another, as long as I thought there was a chance that he might love me the way that I do him. So now I know. He doesn’t think we are a good “fit”. So I can stop wondering, I know and it’s done. I hope that he doesn’t look at me differently now; he said he had no idea. Which I find hard to believe. But lets just say, he really is that blind and didn’t know, how will he be around me now? Will he even want to be around me? He said that he was sorry for hurting my feelings, that isn’t his fault that I am stupid and allowed myself to feel this for him. But what do I do now? I always think of him, and now I have to stop. But I don’t know how to let him go. I guess I will just have to get out there and do it, no pussy footing around.

I am really good at turning the feelings off at least I have been in the past, once I have made up my mind. I surely hope that hasn’t changed. And I can fasten the lid on the box of M. as painful as the thought is.