Friday, July 22
Quote of the Week
"Ability is what you're capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you can do.
Attitude determines how well you do it."
- Lou Holtz
- Lou Holtz
Thursday, July 21
Can I call in dead??? Or can I just go home dead..... I won't come back tomorrow I promise!
Monday, July 18
Blue eyes ......
I finally watched Garden State. I have a new favorite movie, glad that I bought it. It’s awesome. It almost made me cry. But I have actually gone a few days with out crying and this new found possible happiness extended through the movie, I only teared up once. That was it. It’s amazing how we can see so much of ourselves in movies. And then we have to wonder. How did this person write this movie? They must know me. Or are we all so much the same that anyone can write a movie that thousands of people can see themselves in? What ever the case may be. I love that movie. I will be watching it tonight. I liked that the songs in the movie are in the same order as the sound track. T. thought I was a nut as I sang these songs she has never heard. (I listen to the soundtrack on repeat all day everyday)
So I called The P. last night, he sounded busy I tried to let him go, but said he could talk for a few minutes. He was with his kids. Then as children do, they started doing something inappropriate I am sure and he said he would call me right back. That was at 630ish last night. I haven’t talked to him since. I am trying not to be insecure since I don’t like him. Its ok if he doesn’t call me back.. It makes no difference to me at all!
Well if he doesn’t call there are plenty more less ignorant fish in the sea. I am sure my lobster is out there somewhere. Speaking of lobster’s he told me to order my ticket and he would send me the money. I love him so much sometimes that it hurts.
Song stuck in head: Blue Eyes Cary Brothers
So I called The P. last night, he sounded busy I tried to let him go, but said he could talk for a few minutes. He was with his kids. Then as children do, they started doing something inappropriate I am sure and he said he would call me right back. That was at 630ish last night. I haven’t talked to him since. I am trying not to be insecure since I don’t like him. Its ok if he doesn’t call me back.. It makes no difference to me at all!
Well if he doesn’t call there are plenty more less ignorant fish in the sea. I am sure my lobster is out there somewhere. Speaking of lobster’s he told me to order my ticket and he would send me the money. I love him so much sometimes that it hurts.
Song stuck in head: Blue Eyes Cary Brothers
Sunday, July 17
Last night was fun, I went to the birthday dinner, then to B.street. Something strange happened there and I am not sure what it is, but Jack send me a hate mail SMS in the middle of the night that said " I hate you" and that was all. I was to busy talking to the lobster on the phone and laying in The P.'s lap. That made for an interesting moment. Lobster wouldn't let me off the phone and I was way to comfertable in The p's lap to move. So I hurried the very drunk lobster who was talking dirty off the phone. And hung out with The P. I still haven't gotten him figured out. I can't tell if he likes me, or if he is using me. Which would be better than him actually liking me. He is super adorable though. We shall see.
I just hope I don't go being a girl and get all connected and then be upset if he doesn't like me. Why do things have to be so difficult? I swear everything is such a pain. But I can't wait until tonight when I can call him. JEEZ..... Here we go again!
I just hope I don't go being a girl and get all connected and then be upset if he doesn't like me. Why do things have to be so difficult? I swear everything is such a pain. But I can't wait until tonight when I can call him. JEEZ..... Here we go again!
Friday, July 15
Maybe the Rose colored glasses should be on.....
Had a date with The P. it was strange to go on a real date, to have someone open doors and pay for everything and say that we were on a date in conversation (when his friend called towards the end of the night to see what he was doing) He knows exactly what to say, and considering that I trust no man, I assume he is a con, he may not be though. He told me I was cute and intelligent, then he said beautiful. Today he called me sexy in a text message. I don’t know. I think he is full of shit actually. But he is pretty hot and makes me feel nice, so I will hang with him for a while. He calls. but not to often, just enough for me to know that he is interested but not smothering yet.
I wish I wasn’t so negative all the time. I suppose that could be because I have always been burned, maybe one day I will find someone who doesn’t burn to touch. maybe.....
I wish I wasn’t so negative all the time. I suppose that could be because I have always been burned, maybe one day I will find someone who doesn’t burn to touch. maybe.....
Quote
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain
-Mark Twain
Monday, July 11
What goes around, comes around!!!
So the weekend was long and wearing, I am glad that it is over.
Friday I discovered the hottest bartender that ever walked. And he was flirty too! I was in love, and saturated, why???? Because he was putting ice down my shirt, then started spraying me with the water squirter thingy. He also did this insanely hot thing with my drink, that once performed I was given the "go ahead" from peter to take him for a romp in the sack, of course I didn't. Even though I wanted to. I did however meet a very nice guy (The P.) whom I talked to for a while then he left and came right back
The P: if you want to go out sometime call me....
Me: why don't you call me
The P. : it's the 21st century and a girl can call a guy
Me: so you want me to call you and ask you out on a date?
The P. : no if you call, I will do the rest okay
Okay so I can take that, I am not afraid to call a guy. So I call him when we get into the car, and unfortunately for all parties involved that is the last clear memory that I have of my evening.
The P. drove an insane distance to hang out with my drunken passed out ass.... Peter was freaking out that I was dying and the po-po had to come assist peter with moving me off the bathroom floor and spent most of the night making sure that I was on my stomach, because that is how drunk people die ya know, they choke on their vomit.. ( that was the insight the po-po threw on the situation) I will have everyone know that I only had 3 drinks and 2 shots, so I dont' know how I was that ill, but I was. no more liquor for me, ever!
So I wake up Saturday and almost immediately call The P. to apologize, he says no biggie. We decide that we will try to meet up later. Which he calls says he is entering where I am. Which we were having a really bad time, so we leave before I see him. I call him and tell him that I left and again I was sorry. We make plans to hang out once he leaves the bar which again I have to bail on because I was about to bleed all over hell's creation. So I feel like I blew it with this guy who seems insanely nice. I hope I haven't. I will call him tomorrow if I haven't heard from him by then.
I did see an old school mate after the bar on Saturday. It is so funny how time changes things. He would never have given me the time of day in high school, but when I say that the boy was all over me like I was a big fat juicy t-bone, and he was a ravaged dog that hadn't eaten in 38 days that is an understatement. So I made out with him to feed my under fed (I don't know if that is the right word but you know what I mean) ego. And smiled as he begged for more, that I wouldn't give.... HEE HEE HEE karma is a bitch I tell ya!
Friday I discovered the hottest bartender that ever walked. And he was flirty too! I was in love, and saturated, why???? Because he was putting ice down my shirt, then started spraying me with the water squirter thingy. He also did this insanely hot thing with my drink, that once performed I was given the "go ahead" from peter to take him for a romp in the sack, of course I didn't. Even though I wanted to. I did however meet a very nice guy (The P.) whom I talked to for a while then he left and came right back
The P: if you want to go out sometime call me....
Me: why don't you call me
The P. : it's the 21st century and a girl can call a guy
Me: so you want me to call you and ask you out on a date?
The P. : no if you call, I will do the rest okay
Okay so I can take that, I am not afraid to call a guy. So I call him when we get into the car, and unfortunately for all parties involved that is the last clear memory that I have of my evening.
The P. drove an insane distance to hang out with my drunken passed out ass.... Peter was freaking out that I was dying and the po-po had to come assist peter with moving me off the bathroom floor and spent most of the night making sure that I was on my stomach, because that is how drunk people die ya know, they choke on their vomit.. ( that was the insight the po-po threw on the situation) I will have everyone know that I only had 3 drinks and 2 shots, so I dont' know how I was that ill, but I was. no more liquor for me, ever!
So I wake up Saturday and almost immediately call The P. to apologize, he says no biggie. We decide that we will try to meet up later. Which he calls says he is entering where I am. Which we were having a really bad time, so we leave before I see him. I call him and tell him that I left and again I was sorry. We make plans to hang out once he leaves the bar which again I have to bail on because I was about to bleed all over hell's creation. So I feel like I blew it with this guy who seems insanely nice. I hope I haven't. I will call him tomorrow if I haven't heard from him by then.
I did see an old school mate after the bar on Saturday. It is so funny how time changes things. He would never have given me the time of day in high school, but when I say that the boy was all over me like I was a big fat juicy t-bone, and he was a ravaged dog that hadn't eaten in 38 days that is an understatement. So I made out with him to feed my under fed (I don't know if that is the right word but you know what I mean) ego. And smiled as he begged for more, that I wouldn't give.... HEE HEE HEE karma is a bitch I tell ya!
Thursday, July 7
If a man wants you .....
I thought this was insightful....
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find whatmakes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.IF HE CHEATED WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, andyour always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
NEVER co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Author Unknown
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find whatmakes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.IF HE CHEATED WITH YOU, HE'LL CHEAT ON YOU.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, andyour always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
NEVER co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Author Unknown
Also the lobster did not call after nine as promised. Glad I didn't hold my breath
What do you miss about being a kid...
Tagged by Whirly Gurly
But first the rules to this meme game:Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.
1.FireCracker Realized
2. A Day in the Life of a Whirlygurly
3. What the *&%$...
4. Space Your Face
5. Love or Confusion
Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).
1. Pookie
2. Machineghost
3. Sandeetoes
4. The Idiot
5. Spaceface
Your turn:
1. No bills/responsibilities
2. My Brother
3. Seeing my dad for 3 months at a time
4. Walking on Sunshine ...
5. (sorry crittle but I must agree) thinking boys were gross!
But first the rules to this meme game:Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.
1.FireCracker Realized
2. A Day in the Life of a Whirlygurly
3. What the *&%$...
4. Space Your Face
5. Love or Confusion
Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).
1. Pookie
2. Machineghost
3. Sandeetoes
4. The Idiot
5. Spaceface
Your turn:
1. No bills/responsibilities
2. My Brother
3. Seeing my dad for 3 months at a time
4. Walking on Sunshine ...
5. (sorry crittle but I must agree) thinking boys were gross!
Wednesday, July 6
Hello... Is anybody in there .......
Me: Hey you! How are you?
Lobster: Good
Me: Good, Did you have a good holiday?
Lobster: No, I will call you after nine…
Me: I won’t hold my breath, sorry it was bad. I will talk to you then…
So that has been the contact that I have had with him, since he left me a voice mail on Sunday afternoon. I don’t know why I talk to him. He makes me crazy.
I am really tired today. Couldn’t get out of bed, not sure why. I have been thinking a lot lately and about nothing in particular. It’s exhausting. My mind is racing. I have been trying to just read more. But I think that might just be making it worse. I just need sleep, and I will be fine, I hope.
4th of July at K’s was nice. I haven’t seen any of them in a while. Just because they generally tend to make me crazy, so I don’t hang with that crew often. There was a guy there that apparently has been hanging with the crew a lot lately, I however have not seen him in years, and was like whoa, when did he get so cute ( I didn’t even recognize him) Also he is newly divorced. I think that is very interesting.
My stomach hurts and I get to leave in 48 minutes.. I can’t wait. I just want to go take a nap.
Lobster: Good
Me: Good, Did you have a good holiday?
Lobster: No, I will call you after nine…
Me: I won’t hold my breath, sorry it was bad. I will talk to you then…
So that has been the contact that I have had with him, since he left me a voice mail on Sunday afternoon. I don’t know why I talk to him. He makes me crazy.
I am really tired today. Couldn’t get out of bed, not sure why. I have been thinking a lot lately and about nothing in particular. It’s exhausting. My mind is racing. I have been trying to just read more. But I think that might just be making it worse. I just need sleep, and I will be fine, I hope.
4th of July at K’s was nice. I haven’t seen any of them in a while. Just because they generally tend to make me crazy, so I don’t hang with that crew often. There was a guy there that apparently has been hanging with the crew a lot lately, I however have not seen him in years, and was like whoa, when did he get so cute ( I didn’t even recognize him) Also he is newly divorced. I think that is very interesting.
My stomach hurts and I get to leave in 48 minutes.. I can’t wait. I just want to go take a nap.
Monday, July 4
I have been a very bad updater lately, sorry. I just have been sorta in this rut of sorts, One of the wierd ones where I want to pull out the game boy and play pokemon' until my thumbs fall off. unfortunatly I have misplaced my favortie stress reliever I think Joseph lost it :( oh well.
I did finally talk to the lobster. I was right, she left him. He sounded so broken. I just wanted to go up there and hold him and tell him that it was alright. but that can't happen. so I will just put him out of my mind. That is easiest.
We talked for hours about her, about him, about me, about my failed attempts for relationships, I cried. I cried because I miss him, I cried because he wanted me to talk about the last person I cared about, that rejection is still so fresh. I cried because he called him an asshole and said he didn't know what he was missing. I cried because I had to tell him that he knew all to well, that is why he isn't here. I tried to tell him how beautiful M. is and that he is truely a great guy and didn't intend to hurt my feelings, he cussed and said that men are scum (he should know) all of my conviencing didn't matter. so I wish he never asked me that question. You can't be mad a someone you don't know because he didn't want me and my mess of a life. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen..... I suppose there is nothing that I can do about it now.
Well it is about to pour down rain.... Happy freaking 4th of July!!!
I did finally talk to the lobster. I was right, she left him. He sounded so broken. I just wanted to go up there and hold him and tell him that it was alright. but that can't happen. so I will just put him out of my mind. That is easiest.
We talked for hours about her, about him, about me, about my failed attempts for relationships, I cried. I cried because I miss him, I cried because he wanted me to talk about the last person I cared about, that rejection is still so fresh. I cried because he called him an asshole and said he didn't know what he was missing. I cried because I had to tell him that he knew all to well, that is why he isn't here. I tried to tell him how beautiful M. is and that he is truely a great guy and didn't intend to hurt my feelings, he cussed and said that men are scum (he should know) all of my conviencing didn't matter. so I wish he never asked me that question. You can't be mad a someone you don't know because he didn't want me and my mess of a life. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen..... I suppose there is nothing that I can do about it now.
Well it is about to pour down rain.... Happy freaking 4th of July!!!
Friday, July 1
I don’t know what is wrong with me lately I have wanted to sleep and not do a lot of self-expression. I think I am in a rut. I am lonely. I feel like I have this void. With no one to fill it. The lobster texted me last night at 7:40 to say that he would call after 9pm. He didn’t call. This is disturbing to me. I just have this gut wrenching feeling that something is going on with him and he won’t talk to me, I can’t make him talk to me, I know that. It is just very frustrating. I am about to drive up there. If I only had a car… that worked.
